Shit happens
Shit happens is a common slang phrase, used as a simple observation that life is full of imperfections.It has inspired a series of satirical jokes on religious and philosophical definitions, circulating around the Internet. The following is a collection assembled from different sources. The jokes are of course caricatures not meant to insult any particular creed and may reflect particular non-neutral points of view.
This joke was featured in the movie Forrest Gump, where a minor character steps on an unspecified object, implied to be dog excrement. When the main character, Forrest, observes, "It happens," it supposedly inspires the minor character to spawn the "shit happens" slogan.
12-step program:
Shit happens one day at a time.
Agnosticism:
You can't prove any of this shit.
Amish:
This modern shit is worthless.
Anglicanism:
It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.
Atheism:
I don't believe this shit.
Bahá'àFaith:
Shit happens universally.
Baptist Church:
You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
Buddhism:
When shit happens, is it really shit?
Calvinism:
Shit won't happen if you work harder.
Catholicism:
Shit happens but as long as you repent, it's OK.
Shit happens if you wear condoms.
Charismatic Catholicism:
Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.
Christian Fundamentalism:
There's no shit in the Bible.
If you say shit is happening, you'll burn at the stake. (Medieval version)
Christian Science:
This shit is unreal.
Church of Scientology:
If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you.
If shit happens, it's your fault.
Confucianism:
Confucius say, "Shit happens".
Conservative Judaism:
Why does shit always happen to us?
Greek Orthodox Church:
Shit happens, usually in three's.
Hare Krishna:
Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
Hinduism:
This shit has happened before.
Islam:
If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islamic Fundamentalists:
If shit happens, it's a Zionist-Crusader plot!
Jehovah's Witnesses:
Knock! Knock! "Shit Happens!"
Judaism:
Why does shit always happen to me?
Lutheranism:
Have faith that shit will happen.
Malcolm X's Islam:
We don't take this shit.
Mormonism:
If shit happens, shun it.
New Age:
That's not shit, it's a crystal.
Visualize shit happening...
Nihilism:
No shit.
Presbyterianism:
This shit was bound to happen.
Protestantism:
If shit happens, you deserved it.
Quakers:
Be silent and wait for shit to happen, friend.
Rastafarianism:
Let's smoke this shit.
Rosicrucian:
What is this AMORC shit?
Satanism:
Sneppah tihs.
Seventh Day Adventists:
Shit happens on Saturdays.
Shintoism:
You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
Southern Baptist:
Shit will happen. Praise the lord.
Stoicism:
This shit is good for me.
Taoism:
Shit happens.
Televangelism:
Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening.
Unification Church of Rev. Moon:
Only happy shit really happens.
Unitarianism:
It's not the shit that matters. It's the process.
Wicca:
If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
Witchcraft:
Mix this shit together and it will happen.
Zen:
What is the sound of shit happening?
Zoroastrianism:
Shit happens half the time.
See also
Other Uses
Shit Happens is also the name of a short movie released in 2002 in Norway. Its plot revolves around a character needing to relieve himself.